


Sedated

by redroses100



Series: Two Corpses We Were [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Biting, Blood, Feels, Hand Jobs, Love Confessions, M/M, Sexual Content, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 17:16:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13908609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroses100/pseuds/redroses100
Summary: In the aftermath of turning Shizuo into a vampire, Izaya is having a hard time accepting a few things. Responsibility, mainly.OR the vampire au continuation that like two people wanted. Can probably be read as a stand alone though? Maybe? Idk, give it try and let me know.





	Sedated

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you'll notice- and be angry with me- but i changed the POV for this chapter. it was always my intention to show things from both their perspectives. i just didn't intend for this section to get so looooong! Sorry...but it'll go back to Shizuo's POV soon. Promise.

Sedated we're nursing on a poison that never stung, our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it...

///

It’s almost three in the morning when my phone starts ringing and jerks me out of my mindless scrolling through chat rooms. It’s not unusual for clients to call this late- uh, early- but it’s not a client. Seeing Shizuo’s name on my phone is odd in any scenario, but especially when it’s the middle of the night and I know he has work in the morning.

“What do you want?” I sigh into the speaker once I’ve accepted the call. Like I don’t already know. There’s only one reason he’d be calling.

“Shitty flea.” He growls, and I’m tempted to hang up and let him call back. But then he sighs, and it’s heavy with weariness and my guilty conscious wouldn’t let me press the ‘end call’ button, even if I could tear my phone from my ear. “I can’t sleep. Ever since you did this, I can’t sleep until the sun comes up.”

“That’s fairly normal. You’re nocturnal now Shizu-chan. Not that you really require sleep, but if you wanted to, you’d have better success during the day. I told you all of this.” I remind him in a bored tone. He growls again, lower and more angry. Less exhausted.

“I want to sleep now.” Shizuo barks.

“Knock back a few bottles of whiskey. That’s what I do.” I glance towards my kitchen, and the line of empty bottles Namie arranged on the bar when she found them in the trash a few days ago. I think she’s trying to shame me.

“Alcohol?”

“It’ll fuck with your intestines something fierce, since your body isn’t equipped to process it anymore. But if you drink enough you should eventually pass out. Be prepared to wake up in a pool of your own vomit though.” A disgusted grunt comes through the line.

“Don’t you have anything useful you can tell me?” Shizuo demands. I can just picture him. Probably laying in bed, gripping his phone so tight the screen might be cracking under the pressure. So angry that he wishes he could reach through the screen and strangle me. I dig my nails into my leg hard enough to puncture skin.

“You can also fill up on blood. Food coma.” The noise he makes now is even more disgusted than before. “You can’t avoid it Shizu-chan, not if you want to continue being strong enough to terrorize the people and buildings of Ikebukuro. You won’t die from not drinking blood, but you won’t exactly be living either. And before you ask- no, normal food won’t give you the stuff you need anymore. Neither will animal blood, for that matter.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why won’t animal blood do the same thing? Why does it have to be human? Why the fuck do I have to drink human blood?!” I might have known he’d have an ethical problem with all of this. I sigh again, long and irritating just for him.

“There’s chemical reasons I could quote; big, scientific words that would go right over your simpleton head. But for lack of anything remotely resembling interest, I’ll just put it in words you can understand. Human blood make you strong. Animal blood make you sick and weakly.”

I’m fairly positive I can hear his phone cracking with the strain of his anger. But when he speaks, it’s surprisingly calm. “What about vampire blood?”

“What about it?” I repeat, a bit wary. For good reason.

“What if I drank vampire blood again, would that be bad for me? What if I drank your blood, instead of humans?”

There’s something undeniably predatory about his tone, but I’m pretty sure it’s been there all along. It’s not something I inflicted on him with this curse. Between that and the implication in his words, it takes me a few seconds to get my brain back on track.

“I could, couldn’t I?” Shizuo sounds excited now. I scowl at the empty apartment around me.

“No, you can’t.”

“You’re lying.” My face twists at the condescension in his tone. I wish he was here, just so I could send a few knives at him in recompense.

“You’ll die. If you drink my blood, you’ll die.” I hiss.

“Right.” He drawls, clearly not believing me. “Are you gonna tell me there’s chemical reasons for that too? Cuz I drank it once, it’s already inside me.” I hate it when he pretends to have a brain.

“You’ll die because I’ll fucking kill you.”

He’s silent for a long moment before the softest little laugh carries over the line. I must be in some weird twilight zone where Shizuo is the one laughing and I’m the one getting too pissed off to handle it. The temptation to hang up and throw my phone is a little too high right now.

“You won’t kill me. Not after you just saved my life. I’m sure you still have plans for me, after all.”

“Don’t get too cocky. I’ll do what I feel I need to, and if you test me, I’ll kill you.” I threaten. I’m absolutely certain he doesn’t take any of it to heart.

“I guess I better be careful then.” He remarks as casually as if we were friends. As if he’s not suggesting he drink my blood. My body breaks out in goosebumps just thinking about it. I hate it.

“Fuck off, Shizu-chan.”

He doesn’t even miss a beat replying, “How about I fuck you instead.”

I think it throws both of us. But he definitely recovers first, based on his dark chuckle when he realizes I’ve been left speechless. It leaves me with a rising wave of panic and anger in my chest. Luckily I’m able to pretend it’s just the former.

“Stay the fuck away from me.” I growl, and hang up.

But I can still hear him in my head. That little snicker. Those haunting insinuations. How long has he been thinking about this shit?

I don’t think I want to know. I’m close enough to freaking out already.

///

It’s almost three in the morning- nearly 24 hours after Shizuo’s call- when I dial my mother’s number and hesitantly hit the call button. It’s been a whole year since I last spoke with Kyouko. Not for any reason in specific, we’re just both busy people. And it always feels like a big deal to contact her.

I guess, in this case, that’s because it is a big deal.

The line rings three times and then she picks up. “Izaya?” It’s a question, not a greeting. Likely she’s thinking the same thing I was. It’s been far too long since we spoke for this to be a social chat.

“Hi.” I mumble awkwardly.

“Hi.” She replies, fondness almost fully covering the confusion in her tone. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m not sure.” I admit. She’s silent, wordlessly encouraging me to go on. Probably because she knows that when I get like this, I’ll take any excuse to turn the conversation away to something more comfortable. But she’s not going to give me that excuse. I sigh heavily, trying to convince myself to just get it over with. “When you changed dad, did he become more…amorous towards you?”

Kyouko is silent for another long moment- though this time I’m sure it’s because she’s thinking it over. Finally she speaks. “Honestly I don’t know, he was always so willing to drop to his knees in front of me. He practically worshiped the ground I walked on. I’m quite sure there couldn’t really be a ‘more amorous’ than what he already was.”

Her bluntness is refreshing. And disturbing. “That’s not an imagine I ever needed.” I huff. Kyouko chuckles.

“Why the sudden interest in the love life of your parents, anyway? Did you change someone who’s now making advances on you?” There’s teasing in her tone, but honest curiosity too.

This time it’s me silently brooding over the line. After a good ten seconds of quiet she kind of gasps. “Oh Izaya…”

“I didn’t…it wasn’t planned.” I scramble to explain.

“No, no Iza-chan, I know.” She assures me.

“I just couldn’t let him die! I couldn’t…imagine him dying…” I still shudder at the memory of finding Shizuo that night. Completely drenched in his own blood. Looking utterly resigned to his fate. It’s unbearable to remember.

“Iza-chan, I know. But…that is what humans do. My love, it’s different for you and me. We were born knowing our hearts would one day stop beating, but we’d keep living regardless. For humans…it’s the exact opposite.”

“I know.” It’s a whine more than anything. She doesn’t call me out on it though.

“He must be very special to you then.”

That’s way too complicated of a situation to try to explain to my mother. Especially since it’s been years, and I still haven’t nailed down exactly how I feel about Shizuo.

“I guess.” I mumble instead. Kyouko hums.

“And he’s…become more amorous to you, since you changed him?” She guesses. I cringe.

“I don’t know. He…said something. But I don’t know if he meant it or if it was just a taunt that slipped out. We were kinda fighting.” Once again, getting into specifics would take far too long, and far too much energy. And she doesn’t demand it anyway.

“Can’t you ask him?” No. Hell no.

“It’s complicated.”

“I see.” Kyouko rumbles. She lapses back into a thoughtful quiet while I steadily feel more and more pitiful. Finally she sighs. “I guess the most important thing is, do you want these amorous advances, or not?”

Yeah, that is pretty important. And also pretty impossible for me to answer. This whole situation is fucked up, upside down, and out of my league. I feel so inept.

“I wish…you had been there. You would have been a good sire for him.” I whisper, desperately trying to change the subject. Kyouko’s indulgent chuckle tells me she knows what I’m doing, but she’s allowing it anyway.

“Iza-chan, I’m sire to four people, and that’s more than enough for me.” She deadpans. It actually manages to pull a smile to my face.

“Does it count if three out of the four were your spawn, and the fourth was the father of your spawn?” I point out.

“Oh, but my child, why else would I have had spawn if not to count them among my progeny?” Kyouko cackles maniacally, like she’s some kind of mad genius. I think about pointing out that she doesn’t even run in crowds that would be able to appreciate the way she pads her numbers with her children. But I think she’s mostly playing along to make me feel better. Which is nice, I’ll admit.

“Well thank you. For answering and all.” I always get the most awkward at the end of a conversation with Kyouko. I never really know how to hang up.

“Of course, Izaya. What kind of mother, or maker, would I be if I didn’t answer when my progeny needed me?”

The same kind of maker I am. I’ve been fervently trying to ignore the ‘2 Missed Calls’ notification on my phone all day. Now it feels like my cell is burning a hole in my face as I force myself to laugh with Kyouko.

What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Besides, I’m sure Shizuo was just calling to rile me up more. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t answer, really. I’m sure it is. Absolutely certain.

///

This time of year is always very busy for me. After the holidays pass, everyone and their mother wants information again- about a variety of things too. There’s nothing boring or repetitive, I get a little of everything. It keeps me busy, and distracted.

Which is normally a good thing. I love a full workload. But it does have the downside of making me lose track of time. Whole days go by and I’ll still be sitting in the same place, eyes glued to the screen of my computer.

Namie hates it when I get like this. As if the passive aggressive- and slowly increasing- line of empty alcohol bottles wasn’t enough, she’s also started creating modern art pieces of all the takeout boxes I go through.

While I may get no nutritional value from human food, I do enjoy the occasional otoro sashimi. Purely for the taste of it. And since I hardly ever take care of my home, the ‘occasional order’ tends to build up quite the collection of boxes. Which then become part of Namie’s silent battle against my apathy.

I ignore her most of the time. When I’m wrapped up in a particularly interesting job- like right now for instance- it’s easy to completely detach from reality. I’ll check the clock at the bottom of my computer screen, and what feels like a few minutes later I’ll check again only to find that twelve hours have passed. It’s a really disorienting, but exhilarating, feeling.

But even I know that it’s dangerous to completely zone out and forget to check your surroundings. That’s why I have great security systems, and a babysitter who comes in during the mornings.

Unfortunately, these measures are pretty useless during certain times of the day, and against certain threats. Like the one that grabs me by my collar and yanks me out of my chair to press to the windows behind my desk. “You’re making this too easy, I-za-ya-kun.” Shizuo drawls into my ear. I cringe away from him.

“Attacking me when I’m not aware of it seems pretty low, Shizu-chan.” I try to push off the glass, but his body crowds in close to me, keeping me pinned with the broad line of his chest.

His arms have been planted on the window to either side of my shoulders, but now they slide down to where my hands are futilely pushing against the pane. He collects my wrists easily, but to my surprise he doesn’t wrench them behind my back, or squeeze them until they break. He just holds them. I still try to wriggle away from the prison of his hands and body.

“It’s not my fault you let your guard down, shitty flea. I wasn’t exactly quiet getting in here, you had plenty of time to notice me.” He tells me, leaving me fearing for the state of my front door. Like he can read my mind, Shizuo chuckle. “By the way, you’re gonna want a new doorknob.”

Great. Spectacular. I try again to slip away from him, and now he fits his leg between mine, so I’d have to actually step over him to get away. If I could even get my wrists free, that is. I lay my forehead against the window in almost resignation.

“What’s this? Wasn’t it you who said you were always holding back on me? Aren’t you more powerful than me, I-za-ya-kun? Powerful enough to kill me, even? But you can’t even escape me right now, can you?”

Right now? No. I’m not entirely sure what day it is, but it’s been __at least__  two weeks since I last fed. My last meal was before I even turned Shizuo. Which effectively means he’s fed more recently than I have. And he was stronger than me to begin with.

“Tsk. What a beast.” I sneer towards the window. He growls, pressing in harder on me.

His irritation passes quickly though, barely there at all before he’s nosing at my neck, seeking out skin under the scruff of my hair.

“You bit me somewhere through here, right?” He murmurs against my neck. His lips have stilled right over my carotid- the same artery I used to turn him. I try to pull away from him, but he simply follows.

“Can’t you be a normal monster and pay for blood from hospitals?” I hiss, a small seed of panic settling in me. Shizuo snorts a dry laugh.

“But I have a perfectly good source right here, pinned and at my mercy.” A tiny nip makes me cringe, a yelp just barely being restrained in my throat. “Besides, I already know I like your blood. I like it a lot.”

Before I can really process the words, let alone form a response to them, he’s biting down hard on my neck. This time I can’t contain my shriek, or the way I tense and try to shrink away from him. But there’s nowhere to go. And he doesn’t pull away, he just licks and sucks at the bite he’s created, a perfectly content purr running from his chest into my body.

The pain fades fast, being replaced with a warmth that’s meant to keep me sedate and resigned. When Kyouko was teaching me to feed, she described the effect as something similar to the anesthetic an insect produces when they feed on their host. I’m sure Shizuo would just die at the irony. He always did call me a blood sucking pest, after all.

But despite the soothing side effect of the bite, I’m still tense and shaking ever so slightly. Shizuo’s new instincts- though there’s no way he recognizes them as such yet- react to this. He releases my wrists to curl his arms around me. One of his arms slots into place around my waist to pull me back against him. The other crosses my chest to cup around the side of my neck that he’s not attached to. His thumb brushes against my cheek, coaxing me to turn into his touch.

And despite my better judgment, I do. He’s so warm. Even as a vampire, he’s so goddamn warm. I’m always cold, freezing even. I know eventually Shizuo will lose the lingering warmth of humanity too. It always clings to a person who’s been turned for a little while- a couple months at the most. But right now it seems impossible to imagine him becoming as cold as me. Not when he’s so warm.

“Shizu-chan…don’t take too much…” I find the common sense to murmur my warning, and he kind of hums in acknowledgment, though I don’t know how much he’s actually listening. “Shizu-chan…”

“I know.” He growls. His tongue sweeps over the bite mark, collecting the blood that gathers at the punctures. I make a noise that’s too close to a whine for my own comfort. Of course Shizuo loves it. “Does it hurt, I-za-ya-kun?” He purrs, in a tone that normally is reserved for much different activities.

“Are you done?” I hiss back. Shizuo kind of grunts, obviously disappointed that I’m not playing along with his weird new form of banter. I didn’t think being changed would affect him this much. But it almost feels like he’s incorporation physical lust into his previous, standard blood lust. And I don’t like it. I don’t like the way it makes me feel.

“You’re not healing.” He grumbles, and sweeps his tongue over his bite again. Shizuo’s saliva tingles in the places he’s drawn blood. It’s pretty uncomfortable. But not as uncomfortable as the topic he’s brought up. “When I get hurt now, it heals immediately.” He adds when I’m silent.

“I’m so thrilled for you.” I drawl, wriggling in his hold. He squeezes tighter, pushing forward on his feet to crush me back to the window again. Or, almost to the window. It’s a little awkward with his arms wrapped in front of me.

“Is the healing a vampire thing, or is it because I was already strong?” Shizuo demands. I grind my teeth together sullenly. “You promised to answer my questions when I have them.”

The reminder of my responsibility to him is nothing I want to hear right now. But I’m even weaker now than I was before he put his teeth in me. There’s literally no way I can escape him, unless I just annoyed him enough that he eventually storms out.

Which is a very tempting idea. But I hardly get through a full minute of my stubborn silence before Shizuo sighs, “Some maker you are. Maybe I should try to find a different vampire to teach me.”

There’s a lot of things I wish for Shizuo. I wish my mother had been the one to turn him. I wish he hadn’t been put in the position to be turned in the first place. I wish he wasn’t so good at manipulating me without even trying. But I wouldn’t wish the experience of interacting with other vampires on anyone- not even him.

“No.” I state firmly. “Don’t. Don’t go looking for others. You won’t like what you find.” I clarify when he rumbles curiously.

“That’s ominous.” He snorts. “But if I don’t have any other choice, what else-”

“All vampires heal. It’s not just because of your innate beastly qualities.” I spit it out to stop him from talking. And also to stop the argument before it has a chance to pick up steam. If I can make him forget about the other vampires out there by telling the truth, fine. I’ll do it. Begrudgingly.

“But you’re not healing.” He repeats, sucking gently at the still bleeding marks. It is closing, I know it is because it feels like it’s taking every last bit of energy I have. But it’s closing slowly. And every time he goes back to lap at it, it adds more time to my recovery process.

“I haven’t fed in a while.” I admit, very bitterly.

“When you changed me, you said I shouldn’t wait longer than a week between feeding.” I’m honestly shocked to hear him quoting my lecture from the night I turned him. While I was saying it, he looked too preoccupied rubbing his wound free chest to take in much of the vampire trivia I was throwing at him. I guess he’s better at multitasking than I thought. “So how long is ‘a while’?” Shizuo prompts when I’ve been silently stewing for an unintentionally long moment.

“Does it matter? Just know that this is what happens when you don’t feed regularly. You get weaker than a newborn, and you can’t heal as fast as-”

“How long?” Shizuo growls into my ear, shifting the arm across my chest so his hand can reach up to the bite. His thumb presses into the punctures, sending a sharp pain through my neck and down my shoulders. I shudder.

“What day is it?” I ask weakly.

Shizuo is obviously confused, but grunts out, “Tuesday. Though, it’s almost midnight, so Wednesday.”

I cringe. Both at myself for being so stupid, and at the fact that I have to admit that stupidity to Shizuo. “Three weeks.”

He’s silent. Which I admit is unsettling. It has me squirming in his hold again. Which has him clutching to me tighter than ever. “Fuck, Izaya.” He mutters. “Why didn’t you feed after you changed me? You gave me your blood, you should have fed!”

“I don’t need a lecture from you.” I snap immediately. His response is to step back so fast he nearly blurs- though that could be my eyesight, not his movement. I’m not prepared for the abrupt loss of his body, and I would definitely be a heap on the ground if I wasn’t already mostly leaning on the window in front of me.

“You can barely even stand! What the fuck are you thinking?!” Shizuo is back after his moment of observation, his hand clenching tight in the collar of my shirt to yank me back from the glass. My limbs feel too heavy to resist him much. Which leaves me stumbling face first into his chest.

“I’ve been busy! Some of us have to do more for our living than just punching things!” My stubbornness and indignation are the only things keeping me in the argument at this point. Everything else in me is suggesting I give in and let him yell himself hoarse. As long as I don’t have to spend more energy. But my ego is stronger than my exhaustion still.

“Piece of shit…” Shizuo mutters, towing me over to my couch to drop me unceremoniously against the cushions. “Do you have anything here?”

“If I did, don’t you think I would have drank it before now?” I can see his teeth clenching in irritation. I’m surprised I haven’t made him grind them to stubs by now.

“Okay then, how do I get some for you?” He challenges.

“You don’t. I can take care of myself.”

“Obviously you can’t!” His shout is loud enough to shake the windows. Honestly I’m surprised he’s been in my home this long and they’re all still intact. I’m surprised he hasn’t broken even one thing yet. Unless I count my skin.

“Just bring me my phone.” I request wearily. I’m too tired to deal with him and his sense of duty right now. I’m even too tired to dissect the fact that he does as I tell him- without complain! Weird.

I send out messages down the list of people I normally rely on for this, and stop once I get a reply from one of them. A few texts later and I slouch back against my couch to rub at my eyes. They feel like sand is trapped beneath my lids. A feeling so utterly human it disgusts me.

“So what now?” Oh. Right. Shizuo is still here. Great.

“Go home Shizu-chan. You got your meal, shouldn’t you be skipping back to your city with pride?” I prompt. His hands twitch- probably with the suppressed urge to strangle me. I can’t even fully appreciate my effect on him, that’s how out of it I am.

“I’m not leaving you here in this state.” He insists.

“Why? A few weeks ago you would have been overjoyed to see me like this. If you weren’t busy finishing the job, that is.” He looks about as thrilled to be reminded of the past as I was to be reminded of my responsibility to him. I get a selfish surge of pride from that. Watching him grimace is like a reward at this point.

“It’s different now, we’re-”

“We’re nothing, Shizu-chan. You said it yourself, I’m a piss poor excuse for a maker. I’m just the same person I’ve always been. You don’t owe me anything and you shouldn’t expect anything- except answers, when you need them.”

I think idly about offering him Kyouko’s number. He’d definitely have an easier time talking with her about this stuff. And I don’t think Kyouko would judge me for handing him over to her. She’d recognize that I can’t possibly do anything for Shizuo- nothing good anyway.

But I don’t want to do that to her. Not after she had the aggravation of four progeny already. And not easy progeny either.

“Is that really what you want? For things to go back to how they were?” Shizuo’s voice is strangely calm. Almost somber. I don’t have an answer for him. Or rather, I do, but it’s not one he’d like.

“Go home, Shizu-chan. You’re probably starting to feel lethargic, it is your first feeding after all. And you weren’t stingy.” The fatigue in my own body proves that. Shizuo’s scowl only deepens. He stares at me intently for a long, awkward moment before he kind of grunts.

“Yeah, I am feeling pretty tired. Think I’ll rest here, so I don’t fall asleep on the way home. That’s fine, right? Maker.”

A dozen protests come to mind before he can even stop speaking. But that word slips out at the end, and stalls every one of those protests. My throat closes tight and I whip my face away. Damn him!

Like he knows he’s won, Shizuo plops down a few feet from me, making himself completely at home. It’s irritating. But more irritating is the way I can feel his gaze on me. Digging into me as pointedly as his teeth did. I rub my eyes again, wondering how long it will take for my meal to get here. And whether or not Shizuo will leave when it does.

He doesn’t. I can hear when Shiki steps out of the elevator, and walks down the hall. I know Shizuo can hear it too. He tenses up, switching his suffocating attention to the door. I listen to Shiki’s hesitation when he finds the- probably crushed- doorknob. And then he’s pushing the door open, eyebrow already raised.

“Thank you for coming, Shiki-san.” I mumble, exhaustion having truly taken a hold of me in the half hour of tense silence it took for him to get here.

Shiki sizes up Shizuo- who maintains a casual air, even though every inch of his body is tense in expectation of a confrontation. Over my undead body.

“Of course, Orihara-kun. I wasn’t aware you had a visitor over though.” There’s a question cleverly twined in his words. That’s always Shiki’s way of speaking though. I don’t think he ever talks unless it has several layers of meanings in it.

As he closes the door behind him and walks confidently into the room proper, Shizuo just gets more and more defensive, all without actually moving. When Shiki sits beside me to separate Shizuo and I, a low growl rumbles from the blond. He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. But Shiki sure does.

“Am I inturrupting something?” He asks me, leaning in close to whisper it. Part of me wonders if he’s doing it specifically to provoke Shizuo.

“Not at all, Shiki-san. My progeny got a little peckish, and decided I looked like a good meal. So I figured it would be a good idea to eat something as well.” I explain chipperly.

Behind him Shizuo sputters over irritation and confusion and we both turn to look at him while he gapes and scowls in equal measure. “Are you fucking kidding me? You didn’t ‘figure’ anything, I had to practically force you to agree to eat!” He roars, anger coming out before his confusion can.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Shizu-chan. I was going to eat, I was just going to do it in the morning so as not to inconvenience anyone.” I drawl with every intention of annoying him. “Speaking of which, I am sorry to call on you so late. You were the first to answer though, so thank you again.” Shiki nods.

“Of course.” He repeats, though there’s the tiniest give between his brows that tells me he’s not as composed as he’s displaying. He glances quickly at Shizuo again, and his eyebrow raises at the glare on his face. “I didn’t know you’d made a progeny. I admit I’m surprise. I’m more surprised it would be Shizuo Heiwajima.” He’s fishing for answers again, carefully composing his question into statements.

“Sadly for Shizu-chan, he didn’t have much of a choice. With the amount of blood he’d already lost when I found him, not even my speed could get him to a hospital in time.”

“Didn’t stop you from chattering at me for ten fucking minutes before you turned me.” Shizuo gripes. I roll my eyes. “So you know he’s a vampire.” He then states, pretty unnecessarily if you ask me. Shiki must be thinking the same thing, but he doesn’t let it cross his face.

“Orihara-kun has been very upfront about his nature. It’s one of the only things he is honest about.” A small dip of mirth creeps into Shiki’s tone. I smirk to myself.

“Fuck, was I that last person in Ikebukuro to find this out?” Shizuo hisses at me, effectively killing my grin.

“It’s not exactly something I want advertised you brute. Shiki, Namie, and Shinra- and I suppose Celty by extension- are the only people who know. Why would you mistakenly believe you’d be on that list?” His eyes narrow with anger. Shiki puts a hand on my shoulder, snapping both of us out of it. Although it also has the side effect of turning Shizuo’s angry glare to himself.

“You seem more agitated than normal, Orihara-kun. Perhaps you should drink.” He suggests. I nod, the action feeling as heavy as the reminder of my physical state.

Shiki begins unbuttoning his black dress shirt- having left his suit jacket at home tonight. I wonder what he was doing when I texted. Clearly he wasn’t in bed, he wouldn’t have put his suit back on if he was. Maybe he had to work late at the gallery.

“What are you doing?” Shizuo demands curiously when Shiki sheds his shirt entirely, folding it neatly over his lap.

“There are other places more suited for discretion than the neck.” Shiki explains, leaning back and draping his arm over the back of the couch. I scooch into the crook his body has created, leaning back against his chest to face the inside of his arm. Cold fingers on the skin of my neck stall me. “As well, the carotid is not the most functional place for feeding. You may want to reevaluate your methods, Heiwajima-san.”

“I- I don’t- it’s not like I-”

“He won’t be making a habit of it.” I bite, glaring at Shizuo from under the fall of my hair. “And I’m fairly certain he can’t bring himself to nibble on any of his precious companions. So I believe boxed lunches will be the route for him.”

“Probably for the best. Wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt someone.” Shiki’s words are loaded with a warning now, as his thumb slides over the indents still lingering in my flesh. I shudder, and hide it by leaning forward to nose at his skin, between his elbow and shoulder.

The brachial artery runs under the arm, and it’s the one Shiki normally has me feed from. It’s position allows him to easily hide it, and it’s not too awkward for me to find and bite into. It’s old habit at this point, to follow the beat of his heart to where I’ll best be able to draw blood. Shiki turns his arm to give me better access, and I hum appreciatively before biting down.

The first taste of his blood makes me acutely aware of how long it’s been since I fed. Too long. Far too long. But I have to keep control of myself. I take a deep breath through my nose as I lap at the wound, calming myself down as best I can.

Without a heart beating in my chest, blood flow is very strange. There’s no muscle driving my blood through my body, instead it just runs smoothly like water. An impossibility- scientifically speaking. But I guess there’s nothing scientific about what I am. What I’ve always been.

Shiki pets at my hair when I settle into my feeding. A peek at his face from the corner of my eye shows me he’s obviously riding the high of sedation. He looks young like this. Sometimes I forget that he’s only in his early thirties- barely a handful of years older than me. Like he can tell what I’m thinking, Shiki glances down at me with a smirk.

“You don’t have to be so gentle Orihara-kun. You know I won’t wither up and die so easily.” I draw a little harder from his artery, watching the way his eyes grow lidded and dark.

“Does it hurt?” Shiki turns his head lazily to Shizuo. I wouldn’t be able to see him even if I tried, so I just close my eyes and focus on the taste of Shiki’s blood. The way it fills my stomach with warmth that I crave. The way my body slowly starts to feel more and less heavy at the same time.

“Did it hurt for you?” Shiki drawls, too doped up at the moment to put much inflection into his tone.

“I don’t remember a lot. I was kinda dying of blood loss.” Shizuo growls. Shiki chuckles in his throat, stroking my hair again.

“No, it doesn’t hurt. Orihara-kun is always very careful with me. He’s all bark and hardly any bite.” I shoot him a glare, sucking hard against the wound in his arm in protest. Shiki only smirks, tugging at my hair in retaliation.

“You trust him to stop in time? What if he killed you?” Shizuo butts in again, drawing the older man’s attention back in.

“I’ll admit I was hesitant at first. But he never takes more than a cup or two. Not even enough to satisfy himself. Just enough to take the edge off, isn’t that right?” Shiki rubs his thumb across my cheek. I shift to hide my face with my hair, cutting off their line of sight to me.

“You’re um…well, you’re a lot…closer with him than I…thought.” Shizuo sounds awkward. Good. He deserves it. After all, what the fuck is he thinking?

Thankfully Shiki just laughs. I can feel the way the small spike in his heart rate drives his blood faster through his body. My eyelashes flutter as more blood trickles onto my tongue.

“Feeding on a human isn’t exactly intimacy, in the strictest sense. But I am freely offering him the energy he needs to function. And in a way, that creates intimacy. It creates trust too. Which I never had with Orihara-kun before he began feeding on me.” Oh. That’s nice to know, I guess.

I pause before I can draw more of his blood, laying my tongue flat against the bite indents to count his heartbeat. It’s still strong- I could keep feeding for at least fifteen minutes before I would absolutely need to stop. An extra ten would fill me up, and Shiki would still be able to function like normal. But I pull away anyway, pressing my thumb into his brachial to stop blood from dribbling out.

“Done already?” Shiki asks, somewhat smugly. Like I’m proving what he said about me never taking what I really need. I ignore him, licking softly against the wound until I’m sure it won’t seep blood onto his shirt.

“Thank you, Shiki-san.” I murmur towards the bite instead of directly to him. He runs the back of his fingers over my neck, feeling the now smooth surface with a satisfied hum.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks when he pulls away. He starts to put his shirt back on, but keeps his attention on me.

“Yes.” I tell him simply. He slows in the buttoning of his shirt, probably debating if he wants to doubt me out loud or just in his mind. I roll my eyes, springing from the couch to grab a water bottle and a B-12 vitamin for him. “You should be heading home. I’m sure you have a full schedule ahead of you.” I remind him. He frowns, but nods.

“You’re correct.”

There have been nights where I don’t rush him out. Where I sit with him until I’m absolutely sure that he’s not going to pass out if he stands up. He’s been feeding me for long enough now that he’s used to the head rush that comes from standing after loosing blood. But it’s still worrying to watch him take the first few shaky steps.

That’s the way it has to be tonight though. I don’t want him to interact with Shizuo anymore. And it’s easier to make him leave than it is to get Shizuo out, apparently.

“I’ll send over payment for the meal tomorrow.” I tell him while he puts his shoes back on at the door. He waves me away.

“You hardly took anything. Given the circumstances, I’ll overlook the charge for this time.” Shiki’s eyes dart to Shizuo, who looks grumpy and still a little confused as he lurks on the couch. It’s pretty obvious that ‘circumstances’ refers to the blond I’ve had to feed not once, but twice in the last few weeks. Shizuo scowls and stands to start pacing by my windows, throwing shady looks our way every few seconds.

“You don’t have to be so charitable, Shiki-san.” I try to insist. He cups my cheek to stop me talking.

“I need you alive, Orihara-kun. Where else am I going to get the information I need with absolute surety of it’s value?” I turn my face down, embarrassed by the almost doting. He chuckles, ruffling my hair and quickly stepping out into the hallway to avoid any knives I might have on my body.

I close the door after him, sighing heavily as I’m left with a swampy, tense atmosphere generated from the prowling blond behind me.

“Will you leave now?” I ask benignly.

“Do you fuck him?”

If I had hackles, they would be raised instantly. As it is, a snarl works it way up into my chest as my vision flashes red with anger.

“What is wrong with you?” I demand, turning on my heel. He’s changed the direction of his pacing, and is coming towards me now. I hold firm, even as he comes in close to take advantage of his height.

“Me? I’m not the one curling up with the fucking Yakuza! Let me guess, he lets you suck his blood and then to say thank you, you suck his co-”

The word chokes off as I slam my fist into his throat, following it up with an elbow to his sternum and a savage kick to the inside of his knee after I slip around him. I didn’t take much from Shiki. But even the small amount I did drink has rejuvenated me a lot. Enough that I could at least outrun Shizuo, if not outfight him.

Right now he’s too surprised to fight back. I hit him in a few more weak places, leaving him slumped against the wall hissing. I could stop, but my anger has me going for one last punch to his face. Which backfires when Shizuo snaps his hand up and grabs my wrist. I twist around to plant my foot to his throat, and we both fall very still to glare hatred at each other.

“Don’t you ever fucking dare to think that you can judge me, Shizu-chan. Believe whatever you want about me, spread lies around the city too if it’ll make you happy. But the day I let a beast judge me is the day I die for the second time.”

Shizuo is silent, choosing instead to keep heavy and heated eye contact with me. Finally he lets go of my wrist and I take a step back. I keep a close eye on him as he stands, rubbing his sternum where my elbow hit him hard. And then he’s lunging forward so fast and sudden that I only have time to step back and raise a hand before he’s captured my wrist again and pulled me in close.

The kiss he presses into my mouth feels like a punch. He doesn’t let me recoil from it though, taking hold of me and backing me into the wall to better manipulate my body to his liking. I bite hard on his tongue when it tries to push past my lips. He bites back just as hard on my lower lip, drawing beads of blood that he laps at.

“Do you fuck him?” Shizuo demands against my mouth, kissing me again before giving me the chance to answer.

“No. And I don’t fuck you either. So it’s none of your business anyway.” I grunt pointedly, wriggling around to try to escape. Getting the kind of force that I would need to force him away would be difficult while confined against the wall like this. My only option is to try and squirm out of his grasp. But he stops me all to easily in any direction I try to go.

“Well, I don’t fuck you yet.” He rumbles possessively. It makes my stomach flip in what I choose to believe is disgust. That has to be what it is. It has to.

“Stop it. This is because I changed you. This isn’t something you would ever in a million years have wanted, and you know it.” And the guilt of knowing that has been eating me up inside. So much so that I actually reached out to my mother.

“You know, I’ve been wondering about that. I’ve been having the strangest thoughts about you, ever since you changed me. And at first I came to the same conclusion- that it was somehow your fault. But actually, it’s mine.” He nips at my lip again, catching my face when I try to turn away. “Aren’t you gonna ask why?” He purrs into my cheek.

“No.” I shake my head- or try to at least.

“Then I’ll just tell you. There’s always been this awful tension between us. From the very first time we met. And at the time, and for the years that followed it, I thought it was tension born from hatred. That was all I knew at the time, so that had to be it. And I did hate you. I still do. But I never __just__ hated you.”

“Stop it.” I deny fiercely.

“Yeah, pretty sure it was good old fashioned sexual tension. And I never let myself accept that. Until my blood lust got a boost, and I realized what I felt for you was different than what I felt for the scumbags at work. At least I’ve never gotten boners while imagining ripping them limb from limb.” He shifts to slide his leg between mine, so my thigh presses in against the hardness between his legs. An embarrassing whimper escapes my throat. “Can’t say the same when it comes to you.”

“It’s your body reacting to the change, it’s not-”

“You’re right, it is my body reacting. But the only thing it’s reacting to is you.” He growls over me. “And don’t think I can’t feel yours answering.” He adds with a devilish smirk, sliding his leg up against the front of my jeans. I choke on a gasp.

“Shizu-”

He kisses me again. It’s more like he’s devouring me. Like my blood wasn’t enough for him. Like he needs more and more. It’s terrifying.

“I’ve thought this through, Izaya. And I’ve accepted the answer. I hate you, but I want you.” He grimaces a little as he looks at my face. I’m sure I look pretty pitiful. “But I don’t want to force you to do it with me. That’s not…I wouldn’t do that. I just…after seeing you feed on him, I had to do something. I had to make sure you knew.”

I’m more than a little overwhelmed right now. Every part of me is confused and maybe even frightened. But I’m not frightened of Shizuo. If anything, I’m frightened for him.

“Hey, are you gonna say something?” Shizuo murmurs against the top of my hair this time. I shake my head. “Do you…want me to let you go?” It takes me a few moments longer this time, but I shake my head again. He squeezes me close.

And that’s how we stay. For so long it feels like the rest of the night. Or maybe the whole week. It doesn’t matter. Neither of us try to move. And if it means leaving whatever little fantasy this is, I never want to move again.

///

The text is simple. And so well composed that I really can’t say no to it. How can I say no when Shizuo plays the guilt card better than even I can?

__3:18 AM: FROM: Shizu-chan: I haven’t been able to feed this week. Or last week. I have a big job tomorrow. Please, Izaya. Just a little._ _

I toss my head back against my chair behind me. I’ve been avoiding him in the last few weeks. After Shiki came over, and the confrontation that followed when he left.

That night I felt like I never wanted to part from him. But then the morning came, and he left for work, and I let myself analyze things. And it was easy to convince myself this was the best course of action.

He’s confused, that’s all. Shizuo has a whole new body to adjust to. A whole new way of reacting to things, as well. It’s only natural for him to make mistakes and get confused.

Once he’s used to things, and back to his charming self, he’d hate me even more for taking advantage of that confusion. And if nothing else, I’m still his maker. He can hate me, but he can’t hate me so much that he starts to ignore my advice and warnings. So, distance. It’s for the best. For both of us.

But now…how am I supposed to deny him? It’s the middle of the night- again. I can’t just give him a recommendation for where he can go for blood. And I damn well am not gonna recommend he call someone to feed him- he would actually kill me for suggesting it. I don’t want him to starve either.

There should be boundaries between us, and I should be enforcing them. Not folding every time he gets pitiful and bats his eyes. There’s always going to be “special circumstances”. There’s always going to be “Just one more time”. I shouldn’t indulge him, because it’ll make him think he can keep doing it. Like a dog. Like a beast.

But I can’t let him starve. He never wanted this life. I can’t let him suffer because of something he never wanted. Something I’m responsible for. Damn it!

__3:26 PM: TO: Shizu-chan: fine. don’t break my door again._ _

I turn my screen off and lay my head on my desk. I’m going to regret this. I can already feel it. I’m still ruminating on it when there’s a knock only ten minutes later.

Shizuo’s face is carefully blank when I open the door. I glance at the time on my phone, then back up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Did you sprint all the way here, or have you developed a sudden ability to teleport?” He rolls his eyes, but the tiniest crease of embarrassment mars his brow.

“I was already nearby. I was…hoping you’d say yes.” He tells me gruffly, without meeting my eyes. Which I’m glad for actually, since I too am having a hard time looking directly at him. I spread the door wider, waiting awkwardly for him to walk inside before I close and lock it again. But I don’t move further than that, keeping my hand on the lock and my back to him.

“Um, Shizu-chan, about the last few weeks. I-”

He grabs me by the shoulder, spinning me around to press my back into the door. And then he’s kissing me, just as fiercely as he did before. One of his hands curls around the back of my neck, his thumb fitting in behind my ear. I shiver a little. Which has him pulling away with a frown.

“I’m sorry, just let me a little.” He growls in his throat. It’s a desperate sound. And of all things, I never imagined I’d hear Shizuo desperate. “I’ll stop, just…let me for a little while.”

I swallow thickly, my stomach twisting into knots. But I nod. And Shizuo doesn’t need any further encouragement. He’s crushing his mouth back to mine, his tongue prodding insistently at my lips. And after a little hesitation, I allow them to part. Shizuo seizes the opportunity instantly.

He indulges himself for longer than I thought. But when I start to squirm, he pulls away with a regretful sigh. “Sorry.” He grumbles.

“S’fine.” I slur, then duck my face to hide my face. I’m just not at all sure what he would be able to see if I let him look at me right now. He steps back, giving me the space to take a breath. “We should…” I murmur, gesturing towards my couch.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Shizuo nods, taking my wrist to pull me along. He shoves me down to sit, looking awkward once he does. I tilt my head to the side.

“When did you last…um, feed?” Oh, he’s worried about a repeat of last time. That makes sense.

“I finished that off yesterday.” I point his attention towards the kitchen, and more importantly the empty blood bag hanging over the edge of my trashcan. Shizuo relaxes a little, eyeing the used medical container.

“So you’re not super weak right now?” He demands. How can his caution feel so endearing __and__ insulting?

“No, I’m not.” I bite, glaring at him. He doesn’t look the least bit apologetic.

“Good. That’s…good.” He certainly sounds relieved. I roll my eyes. “I uh, did research. On the best places to bite people.” He tells me.

“Oh?” Why would he do that?

“Your meal, he said there were other places that were more discreet than the neck. And more functional.” He sits to my side to lift my arm. “You used the brachial artery, didn’t you?”

“Look at you, learning big words. Was it hard to wrap your protozoan brain around them, or did you have Tom-san sound them out for you?” I sneer tauntingly. Shizuo growls, dropping my arm to shove me back. I fall to the side with an audible, “Oof!”. I’m ready to snarl at him, but he takes my wrist and presses his lips to the inside.

“And the night you turned me, you fed me from your radial artery, right?” He sucks lightly over said artery- not harshly or with even a hint of teeth. My body breaks out in goosebumps. “But there’s one I’m more interested in.”

Shizuo’s fingers curl under my knee, pulling my leg up to spread my thighs before him. An indignant noise bursts from my throat, spurring the blond’s dark chuckle as he adjusts himself to kneel between my open legs. I’m opening my mouth to yell at him when his palm settles on the inside of my thigh.

“The femoral.” I stare blindly at his hand, my mouth still parted with the imprint of anger that evaporated before it could even gain steam. Shizuo shifts, though I can’t drag my gaze up to watch him. Until his free hand tilts my face up for me, to meet his eyes. “Can I, Izaya?”

This is a bad idea. My face feels like it’s on fire. But I’m nodding before I can think about it. And he leans forwards to kiss me in response, so I can’t take it back.

Shizuo’s still sucking on my tongue when I feel his hands opening my jeans. He slides them down over my hips, but has to stop there since he’s still cradled between them. I push gently at his chest, coaxing him back.

“You’re here to feed, right?” I remind him. He nods, but he’s obviously not happy about giving up my mouth to do so. Shizuo slides down on the couch, all but ripping my jeans off in his hurry.

It’s more than a little unnerving, being half naked under Shizuo while he’s obviously riled up. I’ve given lots of thought to it in the past, but I never believed it would actually happen. And I never pictured it like this.

I always imagined that, if we did end up like in this position, Shizuo would be saturated with alcohol. Or mindless with rage, and driven to a breaking point. The point where he couldn’t control himself, and would only be satiated with blood or sex; and for once he’d choose the later.

But the Shizuo that’s looming over me isn’t drunk on anything but the thought of my blood. And that’s not rage in his eyes, it’s almost closer to awe. It makes my skin buzz, and I can’t decide if it’s uncomfortable or not. When the blond beast curls over me to lick a broad stripe across the inside of my left thigh, the answer quickly becomes obvious.

There’s multiple types of discomfort, after all.

I can only pray that Shizuo keeps his attention on my blood once he starts feeding. At the very least, I hope he doesn’t take note of exactly where said blood is currently flowing. But the more he keeps licking and nuzzling my skin, the more obvious it’s becoming. And physically covering my traitor of a dick would only draw more attention to it.

Finally Shizuo plants his palm firmly between my thigh and my pelvis, pressing down in preemptive expectation of me jerking away when he bites. His hand is dangerously close to my cock like this. I have to bite down hard on my lip to distract myself from that fact.

“I’m gonna feed now.” Shizuo rumbles. I offer a vaguely encouraging hum in return. It’s the only thing I can give him right now. My voice would undoubtedly be shaking too badly if I tried to speak.

The bite to my femoral hurts more than any of the others I’ve ever gotten. But when the sedation starts coursing through my body, it also feels way more effective than any other time. I’m powerless against it, turning to actual jelly against the couch. Well, most of me.

I can just barely catch sight of the tent in my briefs from here. It’s impossible to even do so much as lift my head to assess the full state of things. But the fact that I can see it means that Shizuo could definitely see it. If he chose to turn his head, or even glance at me in his periphery. The thought has my blood rushing faster through my veins. It’s dizzying. But that could just be the sedation.

Shizuo sucks harder, reacting to the faster movement of my blood. A ragged gasp chokes out of my throat, spurring him to rub circles into the crease of my hip with his fingertips. It’s meant to be soothing. It doesn’t do much to sooth the part of me that I really need to calm down.

And then the moment comes. I see his eyes flutter, opening to stare at the skin of my thigh for a moment before he moves them up to glance at me. But his attention is caught before he gets to my face. And if I didn’t feel so much like a stone, I would be shoving his head away before he could wrap his meatloaf brain around what the mountain in my briefs means.

But I can’t do anything. I can’t even summon the will to try. And so I can do nothing to stop him from seeing my boner. And comprehending that it is indeed a boner. Golden brown eyes dart to my face immediately after it clicks. With great difficulty I turn my head to the side, shame gripping me deep inside like a knife sinking into my belly.

Shizuo pulls back from his feeding, after a compulsive lick to the wound. He slowly sits up, wiping his thumb under his bottom lip to catch any escaped blood that he can salvage.

And his sparkling eyes scream trouble, but I’m still having a hard time believing it when he glances down towards my lap and murmurs, “Is that for me?” with the most goddamn sexy drawl, and I want to punch him for it! I want to hit and kick and call him every offensive name under the sun!

But what my body does instead is whimper and nod. Fucking traitor.

“It is, hmm?” Shizuo chuckles, the sound curling warm in my belly. “If it’s for me, does that mean I can unwrap it?” He purrs.

No! Fuck no! Why am I nodding?!

The blond bends down for one last lick across the inside of my thigh, cleaning up any residual smudges of blood from the already healed area of the bite. And as he straightens up, he’s already starting to pull my briefs down. He only has the patience to draw them low enough for my dick to escape, and then he completely forgets about the black material.

“Fuck…Izaya…” He groans, grabbing my hip like he’s afraid I’ll try to squirm away. Which I would, if I didn’t feel like a bag of wet sand right now. “Fuck. I need to… _ _fuck__ , let me touch you. Please.”

I don’t know if it’s the desperation making a reappearance in his tone, or the fact that he’s so resolutely waiting for permission. But even though I know this a bad idea, and that I shouldn’t be indulging him- and myself- I can’t say no. If the human Shizuo were here, he would be disgusted. But this isn’t human Shizuo. And I’ve always dreamed of something like this, human or vampire, it doesn’t matter.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, not sure if it’s to the past Shizuo or the part of my brain that’s still screaming at me to get a grip. The blond looks defeated for a half a second until I nod. And then he just looks confused. I nod again, and his eyes glisten with renewed hope, while his palm circles my dick.

His touch is like fire. I can see his own features twisting at the differences in our temperatures. “You’re so fucking hard, but you’re still so fucking cold.” He marvels.

“Ah- Shizu-chahh-” His hand starts to move, agonizingly slowly. He draws it up over my length, twisting his palm near the head of my dick so his thumb can slide up through my slit. I choke on my own saliva. There’s a part of me that wishes the choking would kill me. But I haven’t required oxygen for a long time.

“Is this just cuz I fed on you?” Shizuo asks idly. Most of his attention stays on the motion of his hand though, his honey gaze locked on the slow rise and fall of his fist around my dick. It’s torturous- everything about it. I never want it to stop.

“Nngh! N-No…” I admit, looking to the side as I do. I can’t really blush anymore, but I still feel far too flustered right now. And I know I can’t hide that from him, but I can at least pretend.

“Cuz it’s me?” He supposes. There’s hope laced heavily in the question. A breath I don’t even need shudders out of my chest. I nod. “How long?”

“Don’t know…” I murmur pitifully. A whine wrenches from my chest when he squeezes tight around the base of my dick for a moment before moving on.

“Liar.” Shizuo huffs. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Something that’s attempting to be bitter laughter rattles through my throat. It sounds more manic and broken than I’d like, but it’ll do. “Are you kidding?” I wheeze. “You would have torn me limb from limb and mounted the pieces on spikes as a warning for future disgusting parasites.”

Shizuo’s mouth twists into a frown. I can tell he wants to deny it. Vampire Shizuo- who’s apparently decided he has years of sexual tension to make up for- is obviously disturbed by the image. But he can’t deny it. Because we both know it’s the truth.

“Things were different then.” He admits. “But what about after you changed me? You knew I wanted you. You’ve known for weeks. Why didn’t you say anything? Why were you avoiding me, if you wanted me too?”

This is really not when I wanted to have this conversation. Hell, I didn’t want to have it at all. But he’s stilled his hand and is looming menacingly over me, and I know he’s not going to give this up.

I groan, tossing my head from one side to the other, avoiding his eyes the whole time. “Your body is changing. Chemicals are changing. Processes are being mixed up and tied in knots. But it’ll subside eventually. And you’ll most likely be exactly like you were. You’re just in vampire puberty right now.”

“So what, there’s no way it’ll be worse than the last time I went through puberty.”

“No, you don’t get it…” I cringe. It would be hard to explain this to him without him literally holding my dick in his hands. But I don’t exactly have a choice. “This whole attraction to me thing…it’s just wires being rerouted while your body is undergoing maintenance. It’s taking the rage you’ve always felt for me and making you think it was lust. But it’s not real.”

Shizuo looks offended. Of course he does. When have I ever not offended him? “What the fuck, it is real! I’m feeling it right now.” My irritated groan does nothing for the situation, except make me feel a little bit better.

“Look, you had boners before you were a vampire right? And they were never for me, right?” He doesn’t answer, but that’s kinda an answer in and of itself. “Rage and lust are way more similar than most people think. It’s very easy to mistake them. Especially if your brain just got the factory reset by the person you hate more than anything.”

Irritation has been slowly crawling across his face while I talk. By the time I stop he’s looking at me in a very familiar- very angry- way. Every instinct in my body is telling me I should be running. But there’s really no chance of that right now. Between my heavy body, anxiety, and him keeping a firm grip on certain areas of me, I’m not going anywhere.

“You really think I’m just making this up?” Shizuo growls. My stomach clenches so tight it physically hurts.

“No. I know you’re feeling it. But in a few weeks, or maybe months, things will go back to normal for you. And, like normal, you’ll hate everything to do with me. Don’t you think you’ll hate yourself for doing this with me?” More of his angry silence that says more than words could to answer me. But he doesn’t loosen his hold. And he doesn’t tear his eyes away from my face. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to have to deal with that.”

“It’s not up to you to decide what I do.” He snarls, his hand squeezing subconsciously until a wounded keen escapes me. He blinks and glances down and immediately pulls his hand away. I curl up protectively, trying as best as I can to shield myself from him.

“I was trying to be thoughtful you ass.” I hiss back, as bitterly as I can. Which isn’t very much when my anger is little more than a flimsy appearance at this point.

Like he can tell, all of the rage melts off Shizuo’s face too. He rocks forward to plant his hand on either side of my head, and bows his face to nuzzle my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I expect? Letting a monster touch me.” I huff. It’s better this way. I should keep getting him angry. Keep helping him see that nothing has changed, except his body.

I saved his life, turned him into a vampire to do it, and had to admit that I’ve always been attracted to him. Despite all that, nothing has changed. I’m still a blood sucking flea- just in a more literal sense than he could have known. And he’s still a beast- just now he has the nature to go along with the strength. That’s all.

It is better this way. But Shizuo seems to disagree.

“Stop it, don’t get me mad.” He bites.

Literally, he follows the coarse order with his teeth sinking into my neck. I go boneless beneath him, allowing him to tug and coax my limbs until my body is open to him again.

Shizuo’s hand runs slowly up the inside of my thigh, lingering over my femoral where he bit down before. The wound is gone, but he still remembers exactly where he once put it, and rubs his thumb in circles there for a few seconds. I shiver, reaching for him without thinking about it. He purrs when my hands settle on his shoulders, clenching tight in his shirt instead of pushing him away- for once.

“I don’t care…what you __think__ is gonna happen to my brain. And if you’re right, I’ll deal with it. But you’ve wanted this for a while, right?” I squeeze my eyes shut and nod. “And I want this right now. So for once in your goddamn life, stop trying to make me angry. And let me have you. Just once. Please.”

A noise that’s almost a sob leaves my mouth, even as I nod furiously. Shizuo kisses me like a freight train, at the same moment that his hand slides the rest of the way up to circle my dick again. The combination of which leaves me arching desperately into him.

“I’m gonna…” Shizuo trails off, but the fall of his zipper finishes his sentence for him. He mouths at my lips and chin distractedly while he fiddles with his pants, shoving them down enough to get some relief. He shifts forward a bit, and then his dick slides up against mine and we both suck in sharp gasps that we don’t even need.

Shizuo’s hand is big enough to hold our dicks together as he starts moving his hips, the slow shift dragging them against each other. It’s like nothing I’ve felt before. If I needed air, I’d be so out of luck, because I cannot breathe right now.

“Fuck…” Shizuo groans. I echo it with a whine, pulling at his shoulders and hair and anything I can get my hands on.

“Sh-hizu-o-”

His movement abruptly stops, and I crack my eyes open to pin him with a glare. “What the fuck, keep moving-”

“Say it again.” He rumbles, his face set impassively, but his voice a deep hum that tells me just how much of a lie it is. I blink owlishly at him. “Say my name again, Izaya.” He orders.

“Shizu-ch-” He’s darting down to sink his teeth back into my neck before I can get the full nickname out. And when he starts moving his hips in a torturously slow drag while feeding, it’s way too much sensory overload. A cry tumbles off my lips, my weak fingers trying valiantly to keep hold of him. But it’s no use. My hands fall useless to the side, like they’re made of stone.

“My real name, I-za-ya.” Shizuo growls into my throat. I swallow thickly, hiding my face in my shoulder as best as I can.

“Shizuo…”

“Again.”

“Sh-Shizuo.” His hips snap forward at the pace they were going before, no longer drawn out and agonizing. Well, it’s still agonizing, but in a different way. “Shizuo!” I gasp, writhing pathetically.

“Izaya…” He whispers, far too reverently. I dig my nails into his skin, until they grow warm with his blood. The scent hits me like a wave, drying out my mouth and sending dizziness through my head.

Shizuo hisses a little at the sharp pain, but when he looks down at me to sneer or snap, he can’t even seem to open his mouth. He looks transfixed. And then smug. “Why don’t you just drink? If you want to so bad.” He purrs, leaning in so his neck is well within biting range. It’s temptation in it’s highest form. It takes every last ounce of my willpower to keep from sinking my teeth in.

“D-Don’t tease me!” I growl bitterly. He looks confused for a moment before laughing. Which doesn’t make me any happier.

“I’m not.” Shizuo insists. “Look, I’ve bit you three times tonight. Come on. Your turn.” He coaxes, tilting my chin up so my lips touch his skin. It’s clammy with the effort of his movements over me. I want to lick every inch. And when I’m in as mindless of a state as I am, there’s not a enough common sense in my body to keep me from doing exactly that.

My tongue darts out to taste his skin. It’s salty with sweat, and slightly chemically from whatever soap he uses. I should be disgusted. But I’m not. Honestly, I’m more disgusted with myself for not being disgusted.

Shizuo groans as I start sucking on his neck, trying to pull every last taste of salt from his skin. And incidentally bringing his blood to the surface as well. Once I realize that, there’s no way I would be able to talk myself out of it anymore. I doubt there’s any way Shizuo could either.

The first time I bit Shizuo, he was on the edge of death. He just laid there, looking horribly resigned and disturbed. But he didn’t make a noise. And he didn’t cringe away. This time when my teeth embed in his neck, he does make a sound. But it’s definitely not one of complaint.

He groans and his hips stutter with sudden lethargy. His weight bears down on me just a bit more. It’s clear he’s as affected by the sedation as Shiki and I am. Which is almost…reassuring in a way.

Most importantly though, as he grinds down against my dick, I can feel him growing harder and warmer. Which I didn’t think was possible, but here we are. My eyelashes flutter and I suck a little harder at the flow of blood and Shizuo announces how pleased he is by burying his free hand in my hair to keep me in place and prevent me from pulling away.

I feed off of him for what feels like an age. Without a heartbeat, it’s different to gauge a stopping point for Shizuo. So instead I pull away when I feel my belly start to grow warm with the amount of blood in it.

Having just finished a bag yesterday, I really don’t need to be feeding on him right now. But I have the feeling he wasn’t going to let me say no. Even if I had wanted to. Now though, I pull my fangs from his neck and instead run my tongue against his skin until it’s healed and clean of even a trace of crimson.

“Izaya I’m…fuck I’m close.” Shizuo warns me, and now that he mentions it, so am I. I’ve been so lost in the bliss of his blood. But now that awareness has returned to me, I can feel the ache in my dick as his stuttering hips grind his own against me. It’s almost blinding.

“Shizu-ah!” His hand twists sharply at the first sound of his name, wrenching me right over the edge. And that drags him over as well.

Shivers race through my body with every jerk of his hand through our orgasms. It feels like it lasts forever. The pleasure is excruciating. Especially when it starts to bleed into being too much and I have to whine beneath him.

He finally stops, letting his hand rest on my thigh while he pants for air he doesn’t need. I can’t stop staring at him, feeling completely empty and bursting at the seams in the same moment. When his eyes come into focus and really look at me, his brows scrunch together at what he sees.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Shizuo rumbles, almost fondly. He uncurls his hand from my hair to stroke against my cheek instead. I tuck my face into his palm, refusing to think about it as I do. I’ll think about it all later. Right now I just want his warmth. And his positive attention. Just him. For as long as it lasts.

“Dunno.” I mumble.

“Liar.” He huffs. But doesn’t demand the truth. He eases away from me, the growing separation between us leaving me a mess on the insides. I want to reach for him. But I let my hands fall heavily to my side. I’ve taken more from him than I ever meant to tonight. If he wants to go, there’s no way I’m stopping him.

But he doesn’t leave. Shizuo’s hands scoop under my arms and tote me upright to drag me over to the corner of the couch, where we can both fit if we curl up. Which is exactly what he does, pulling me in so I’m mostly in his lap.

His limbs wrap around me like puzzle pieces falling into place. And he holds me so close and so tight that there’s no way I could wriggle away. Even if I wanted to.

“Go to sleep, Izaya.” He orders, but there’s a small note of weakness in his tone that makes it clear it’s more like a plea. He wants me to fall asleep with him, because he wants to stay. He doesn’t want me to kick him out into the night now that he’s fed and fucked and should be perfectly content. And, to be perfectly frank, I don’t want me to kick him out either.

So I tentatively follow his example, curing up as best as I can when I feel so heavy and sated. He’s already done most of the work for me, thankfully. It’s easy to fit into place with him. A little too easy, really.

But I’m sure I’ll think obsessively about that later. For this moment, I’m warm and maybe even happy- I’m not really sure, I don’t have much to compare it with. But at the very least, I’m content to stay in this little illusion he’s willingly created for us.

I know it won’t end as well as this in the long run. This is the exception, not the rule. And I can’t keep giving in to him like this, because it’ll make it hurt more later.

But for tonight, it’s fine. This is fine. Because Shizuo is warm, and he wants me here for right now. And what kind of a maker would I be if I didn’t indulge my progeny when he wants something so badly?

He’s probably going to murder me for this. And enjoy every single second.

But I guess that’s just what I have coming to me. I made him a monster, after all. And, as much as I’ve been avoiding it, I think it’s time I dealt with the consequences.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah...one more part to go! and we'll be back in Shizuo's brain for it! it's gonna be a bumpy ride- filled with even more smut, cuz i'm a thirsty ho. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Let me know!


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